Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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