Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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