my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
