Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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