so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
