when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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