Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
