if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Randomize
