I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
