Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Randomize
