Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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