You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
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