Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
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