i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
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