went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize