I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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