I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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