so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
