Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
