and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
