No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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