I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize