I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Randomize
