Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize