you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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