you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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