u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
