You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
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