Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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