I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
