I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
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