But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
