Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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