I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
