I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
