i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
