Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
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