Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
