So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
