nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
The beer is more important than you right now.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Randomize
