R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize