Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Randomize
