Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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