people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
soo... how was my night?
Randomize
