Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
