Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
