Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
