No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I can't trust your balls anymore.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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