I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
