Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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