you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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