I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
It's just like the Real World with babies
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
