im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
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