I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
