i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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