I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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