Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Randomize
