I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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