There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
