if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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